I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
