I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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