guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
