Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
