in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
