The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
