I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
