Tell her she can't have a vagina
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
