you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
