so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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