Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
