where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
