i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize