I just made out with a guy for $7.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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