ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
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