what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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