...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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