Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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