I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
