my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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