I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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