can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
