my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't deserve a penis
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
