i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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