i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
