Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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