Umm I'm too high to move.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
