After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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