You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
