can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
