If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
