she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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