It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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