my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
