He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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