that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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