i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i think im in europe. pls send help
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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