I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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