Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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