He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Panties = found
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
