that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
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Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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