I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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