Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So apparently I’m into choking now
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