Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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