just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
