I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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