OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
