Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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