i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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