so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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