respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
