he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
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So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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