ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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