And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?