Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.