i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional