Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.