Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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