You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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