Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
